"This is not supposed to happen to me". "I've (almost) always been confident with my body but now...I can't even look at myself". "How is my husband going to find me attractive anymore if I look like this". "Why can't I look like her after having a baby".
The list of put downs and depressing phrases I've said to myself and heard other women say go on and on. After having my first child in 2011, I had no idea what my body was going to look like afterwards. I just assumed I would be a little bigger than before pregnancy and then I would easily lose the "baby weight". I was wrong! It didn't help that I had gained 50 pounds and ate like I was eating for way more than two during the whole pregnancy! Thankfully my husband was,and still is, very complimentary and always telling me I look beautiful. Even though I didn't always believe it myself, it felt good to hear him tell me.
It took me the better part of two years to get back to the weight I was before my first pregnancy only to end up pregnant again! I wasn't happy about not losing more weight before getting pregnant again. This time I only gained the normal 35 pounds but post pregnancy was much more difficult for me because our second baby was much more difficult. I was worried the way I was feeling and acting was me not getting over the "baby blues". After almost a year of feeling ugly, depressed and down right "blah" I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. Getting on medication wasn't an exact cure all but it did give me some relief about how I was feeling. Over the next several months I was able to drop some more weight and feel better about myself. Of course as soon as I was getting to this point we are thrown the curve ball of being pregnant again!
To me, this was the worst timing for getting pregnant. I was still over weight, we were struggling financially and I was struggling with my some of thyroid issues (depression and fatigue). To make things worse (before they got better) we found out we were having twins when I was about 9 weeks pregnant. It took me well into my 2nd trimester to make peace with having twins to be fully and completely happy about expanding our family. Which, leads me to where I am going with this post!
With our family officially complete and no more babies in our future I have decided to start a new chapter in my personal life. Not only am I going to document my weight loss but also becoming a healthier and happier woman/mom. I hope to encourage other moms/women while on this journey. I plan to post pictures of my progress not only for others but for myself as well. I do ask for prayers and kind thoughts as I set out on this new path of being a "new me and new mom". I know God will continue to give me strength each day as long as I keep looking to him for guidance.
"With the new day comes new strengths and new thoughts" -Eleanor Roosevelt-
"But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded." - 2 Chronicles 15:7-
In Him,
Angie K
Well, it has been almost two weeks since my last post and I finally have a little bit of time to update. Happy 4 weeks to our little angels. They will be one month old on the 19th!! I can't believe it!
Both the girls are home now and doing wonderful! They had their first doctor appointment and they are perfect. Their doctor did want to order ultrasounds on the girl's hips because of their positioning in the womb. She wants to make sure there isn't a problem.
I am so proud of how well they are eating! We are still pumping and bottle feeding for now. When they are "full term" we might work on breastfeeding but for now pumping is working just fine! They are eating every 3 1/2 to 4 hours! There was one night that they didn't wake up for their feeding and they went 5 hours between feedings! I have a good feeling they will sleep through the night without any problems!!
I have to be honest right now. These two girls are actually easier right now than Logan was when he was born. I will gladly admit that the NICU stay was a blessing in disguise. The girls were on a feeding/diaper schedule while there and we have been able to carry that home with us.
The boys are so glad to have their sisters home! Jonah absolutely loves and adores them. He is always willing to help out any way he can. He loves to look at them and kiss their heads or toes. Logan is happy to have them home but is having a little more difficult time accepting his new role as "not a baby". He is having to transition from being held and cuddled with a lot to being told "no, not right now". Logan does love his sisters and likes to kiss their heads and touch their feet/hands when he is allowed. I am excited to see the girls grow and the bond between them and the boys bloom!
We won't be getting the girls out in public until after their two month appointment in September. Doctor says it is best to let their lungs develop more before going out. With RSV and Flu season approaching in the coming months we have to be careful with them.
I will try to find some time once a week to post an update about the girls. I can't make any promises though!
In Him,
Angie K
"For this reason I kneel before the father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name". Ephesians 3:14-15
Saturday August 1st:
"No news is good news" especially when it comes to the girls right now. They are continuing to grow and do well. We will need to bring in the car seat to do the car seat test before they get the approval to go home. Today, Amelia weighed in at 4 pounds 4 ounces and Kaylee weighed in at 4 pounds 9 ounces! Growing girls back up to birth weight!
Sunday August 2nd:
Baby girls are TWO weeks old today! They are growing so nicely. Amelia is starting to fill out and look more like Kaylee. They both are eating very well. Jessie and I enjoyed spending alone time with the girls today. Of course, both the girls ate better for Jessie than me. I'm assuming they think I'm a little more cuddly and decided to fall asleep with me! The girls have gained more weight! Kaylee is weighing 4 pounds 14 ounces and Amelia is weighing 4 pounds 7.7 ounces! I'm hoping Kaylee is well over 5 pounds before she leaves the NICU. Got a call from the NICU this afternoon and the car seat we got failed the first test. Now to find another car seat by Tuesday!
Monday August 3rd:
First, a shout out to my big guy Jonah. Happy 4th birthday Jonah Bug!!
The girls ate a big breakfast this morning! When I got there to feed them they were still very sleepy from their feeding. They started their iron and vitamin supplements today. Amelia started off eating pretty well but at the end she had an "eating episode" (stopped breathing long enough for heart rate to drop). This will keep her from going home the same day as Kaylee. Kaylee is doing well eating and sleeping and is on track to come home soon!
Here is how the rest of the week should go if there aren't any other hiccups:
Tuesday-official car seat test
Wednesday- sleep in room for parents at hospital
Thursday-Kaylee comes home
Friday-Amelia comes home
Doctor said normally they won't even consider sending preemies home until after 35 weeks but the girls are doing so well and will be "35 weeks" August 4th.
We are so close to the end of their NICU stay! I have to be honest. I am excited but very anxious about them coming home especially since Amelia had her episode today. Please continue to pray for all of us towards the end of the week. We will be getting the boys back Friday and my mother and mother-in-law will be here to help out as well.
In Him,
Angie K
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
-Psalm 62:8-
Thursday July 30th:
Both girls got their nose tubes out! Amelia pulled hers out so they left it out and soon after Kaylee got hers taken out too!
I did some skin to skin time with Amelia while nursing. She gave us all a scare a few times when she had some breathing pauses during breastfeeding which set off the alarms. It happened three times and the nurse suggested we give breastfeeding a break until her brain is mature enough to have the breathe, suck, swallow rhythm down better. So for now we will continue to pump and bottle feed.
They have opposite episode set backs. Amelia has periodic breathing while she sleeps but not (usually) while she eats. Kaylee has periodic breathing when she eats but not while she sleeps. They will need to be able to self correct quickly before being sent home.
Kaylee worked real hard trying to get fingers into her mouth. She worked pretty hard until she got frustrated and happily took her pacifier. She was a bit stubborn during her feed and wanted to sleep more than eat.
Spoke with Jason, their nurse practitioner today too. They will be getting off their caffeine supplement. It takes about 5 days for it to leave their system completely. The nurses will be watching for "episodes" while they are getting off the caffeine. After they are completely off caffeine and it is out of their system, the girls will be given a sleep study and have a car seat test. If they pass everything the next step is home!
Friday July 31st:
The girls were moved to NICU 4 this morning. It is a much small area than where they were before. Our nurse, Kathy, said "it's one foot out the door". Both girls are are eating over 40mL of milk. I'm hoping to stay ahead of them while pumping!
Jason came by again and checked on the girls. He reassured me they wouldn't be sending the girls home too soon. Here is the "schedule" he gave us:
5 days no caffeine
5 days no sleeping episodes
3 days no feeding episodes
10 hour sleep study
90 minute carseat test
Discharge if passed everything
By the looks of it the girls could be coming home next weekend!! I'm both nervous and excited to be seeing the end of their NICU stay. Please continue to pray for the doctors, nurses, the girls and us as we prepare to transition them home!
In Him,
Angie K
