Just Roll With It

Lately I have had a lot of people, mostly strangers make comments to me when they learn that I have a four year, a two year old and twin infant girls. Here are just a few:

"Wow, you are crazy girl!" 
"You really have your hands full, huh!"
 "I bet they keep you busy!" 
and my all time favorite:
 "Uh-uh" (while they shake their head with eyebrows raised). 

Maybe I'm just used to it all by now and we've gotten a pretty good routine down or I'm not seeing what everybody else is seeing. My life was busy before the twins and it hasn't been that much more busy. My hands are always full with a two year old but I've gotten pretty good at juggling. Yes, I am crazy for having identical twins but here is the twist: identical twins are spontaneous therefore we didn't plan to have twins.

On the flip side of things, I can't tell you how many times people go on and on about how impressed they are or that I'm amazing or how they strive to be like me. It is very flattering but also extremely awkward because, again, I don't see what they are seeing!!
I see a messy house, piles of laundry, dried spit up on shirts, unwashed hair, unbathed children and a sleepy momma. I love getting the compliments but I never have a good response it seems! I just smile and say something like, "Oh, no,  but thank you". I know people are being genuine in their comments both positive and negative but I don't think they fully understand our life right now. I may show up on time, dressed with make up on and look put together but they are not "behind the scenes" to it all!

Today I had my Mom2Mom fellowship. I mentioned in passing to them that I would take a picture of my house as soon as I got home to show them that I, in fact, do not have it all together. Mom2Mom meets every Wednesday from 10am-12pm and then we have lunch together until 1:00. I have to leave my house by 9:00am in order to get to our church building, unload the kids (lunches, backpacks, stroller and car seats), get them checked in and to their rooms by 9:45. Did I also mention it was trash day? Thankfully, Jessie got the trash can to the curb this morning for me but I of course did not empty the bathroom trash cans...

Wednesdays have become my "Wild and Wacked Out Wednesday" because it is utter chaos trying to get ready to leave for M2M. The pictures I took are after getting home and unloading the car (back packs, lunch boxes and twin's car seats). We left breakfast on the top of the table and stove, dishes in sink (dishwasher was full and clean but I hadn't had time to unload), unwashed bottles in other sink and the boys destroyed the living room while I got myself and the girls ready. They had pulled everything out in the playroom yesterday but we never got to cleaning it up. Oh, I had also done laundry last night but didn't want to wake boys to put things away and of course didn't have time this morning. 

Wednesdays are always crazy and insane.    I hardly get anything done until later in the afternoon and boys rarely nap. Today was much different! They stayed in their room, withe the iPad, the girls slept and I was able to get a lot of things picked up and cleaned. The house did not stay messy for long and it is usually in a much better state than the pictures show, except on Wednesdays!

In our small group at M2M we were asked a question, and I don't remember the exact wording, about how we would describe how we handle things right now (I think that was the question?). Anyway, my answer was this:

Just Roll With It

Life is full of crashing wave and winding roads. If you fight too hard you will get worn out and eventually pulled under. If you try too hard to make things go your exact way you will end up crashing and burning. Give it all over to God and just roll with life. As you can tell I am far from perfect. God doesn't expect perfection so why should I, as a human being, expect it from myself? All we can do is our best! I am human. I am mom of four kids ages 4 and under. I can not get it all done and that is a fact of life. 

From the wise words of the adorable Easton Corbin:

Baby we'll roll with it
Won't think about it too much
Baby let's just go with it
And get out of this ordinary everyday rut

We get so caught up in catching up
Trying to pay the rent trying to make a buck
That don't leave much time for time for us
And aint life too short for that


Angie K

A Practically Imperfect Pantry

"She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks". -Proverbs 31:17-

This is my first blog post about a cleaning project so bear with me as I stumble through it:

While the boys are away this momma will play! By play I mean clean and get things done that couldn't be accomplished while they are at home. During this nice long weekend I decided that our pantry/laundry room needed some work! As much as I would love to transform it into a Pinterest worthy room, just a nice cleaning will have to do for now. 

Earlier in the week I had finally noticed how cluttered and messy the pantry/laundry room had become. Since the girls had been home I haven't paid much attention to it. The shelves were a disaster, the machines were messy and the floor was crunchy. Yes, crunchy, because it hadn't been swept in...a very very long time! 

First thing I did was remove everything from the floor. I swept thoroughly and then mopped like crazy. While the floor dried I watched a show with my wonderful hubby and spent some time with my girls.

After the floor had completely dried I chose the two most cluttered and unorganized shelves to deal with first: baking shelf and "catch all" shelf. I pulled everything off the shelves and put them on the dining table so I could easily see what all I had. I realized there some things that I could throw away, SOme I could repackage or place on another shelf. While doing so, I decided to make a snack corner for my boys. I put a plastic container on the bottom shelf and put items such as: applesauce squeeze pouches, granola bars and applesauce cups in it. I then grabbed some snack size ziplock baggies and filled them with goldfish crackers, pretzels, almonds and chex mix. Doing so allowed me to remove the boxes from the shelf to look more organized. 

I decided to make the left section of the bottom shelf a snack area. It includes the snack box and gallon Ziploc bags full of leftover pretzels and chex mix. In the middle  are our paper goods: plates and napkins. The right section holds all my baggies, cling wrap and foil boxes. 

The next shelf up is all of my baking supplies, breakfast foods like muffin mixes and Bisquick and then on the far right is all the breads (loaves, buns and tortillas).

Right above that is where my canned foods and other food jars are located. I left them where I had them before, just a little more organized. Cracker boxes and chips are beside them.

The second from top shelf is a bit empty right now. It currently holds rice, noodles, cereal, oatmeal and some cans of coke. Grocery shopping is on my to do list and the pantry will fill up a little more soon! The very top shelf holds my colorful Solo cups, table linens and our new waffle maker. More than likely in the next few weeks and months I will put more random items on the top shelf. 

Moving on to the washer/dryer machines. This part of the project was a little easier. The top of the machines just had clutter that I or somebody in the house was too lazy to put away properly. I straightened up the laundry shelf and cleaned off the machines. I am so happy with how it turned out!! I'm quite embarrassed with how messy and cluttered the room had gotten too! Hoping I can keep it nice and clean for a while!

 
 

A Week of Weak Prayers

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And he peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

This has been a very powerful passage for me these last 7 days. Last Thursday, my wonderfully selfless mother in law left and I was alone with all four kids for the first time. I was afraid, worried, anxious and scared things were going to fall apart at the seam. I was terrified I wouldn't be able to handle the boys, the house, and the girls. My biggest downfall is my insane ability to worry. I worry about the littlest things even though I know my Savior is taking care of me.

Prayer has been, and will always be, my constant life line. I'm not as diligent as I should be and there is always room for more prayer in my life. This week has proved time and again what prayer can do. Jessie and I pray together every night before going to sleep and it always seems to make the night with the girls and the next day a little better. 

This week my prayers have been full of "help me" and "give me" phrases as well as many "thank you" ones. I've needed a lot of help this week but it wasn't the physical type of help one would assume. The help I needed was with an inward struggle. A fierce battle I fight every day. I am constantly doubting myself and my abilities. How am I supposed to feed and care for newborn twins, play with my four year old, potty train my two year, tend to all the house chores, cook the food and still have the energy to spend time with my husband? Juggling four kids ages four and under, a house and a husband is difficult but I can't imagine how difficult it would be without a life line to God.  

With all that being said, here is the truth: My week alone at home with all four little rugrats hasn't been too horrible. It hasn't been a cake walk either. I probably sound insane but so far it has been much easier having all four kids than it was when my second was born. He ate all the time, cried all the time and never slept. We were living in a small two bedroom apartment and I was going through some post pardon blues. Now, we are in a lovely house, the girls are on a great schedule and my hormones are quite stable! I believe all of this is because of God. He knows what our family can handle and has placed in our care the most wonderful children. We are not perfect, far from it actually. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. He expects us to stumble, fall and then reach out our hands for him to catch us. Thankfully, he always does!

The boys will be at my parent's this weekend and my goal while they are gone is to prayer over them several times a day. We pray at meals with the boys and we pray with them before bed but I want them to be able to talk to God anytime they want. Not let prayer be a ritual before meals or bedtime. I believe the best way to teach them to pray is to show them. I want my kids to have a constant life line and use it whenever they need. While they are gone it will be easier to start making a "habit" of praying for them during the day. When they return we can pray together for each other, our choices throughout the day, people we love or know who are having a hard time and our attitude over all. 

My biggest prayer of all is that my kids have a relationship with Christ that outweighs all others. 

In Him,

Angie K

Finding My Beauty After Babies??

"This is not supposed to happen to me". "I've (almost) always been confident with my body but now...I can't even look at myself". "How is my husband going to find me attractive anymore if I look like this". "Why can't I look like her after having a baby". 

The list of put downs and depressing phrases I've said to myself and heard other women say go on and on. After having my first child in 2011, I had no idea what my body was going to look like afterwards. I just assumed I would be a little bigger than before pregnancy and then I would easily lose the "baby weight". I was wrong! It didn't help that I had gained 50 pounds and ate like I was eating for way more than two during the whole pregnancy! Thankfully my husband was,and still is, very complimentary and always telling me I look beautiful. Even though I didn't always believe it myself, it felt good to hear him tell me.

It took me the better part of two years to get back to the weight I was before my first pregnancy only to end up pregnant again! I wasn't happy about not losing more weight before getting pregnant again. This time I only gained the normal 35 pounds but post pregnancy was much more difficult for me because our second baby was much more difficult. I was worried the way I was feeling and acting was me not getting over the "baby blues". After almost a year of feeling ugly, depressed and down right "blah" I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. Getting on medication wasn't an exact cure all but it did give me some relief about how I was feeling. Over the next several months I was able to drop some more weight and feel better about myself. Of course as soon as I was getting to this point we are thrown the curve ball of being pregnant again! 

To me, this was the worst timing for getting pregnant. I was still over weight, we were struggling financially and I was struggling with my some of thyroid issues (depression and fatigue). To make things worse (before they got better) we found out we were having twins when I was about 9 weeks pregnant. It took me well into my 2nd trimester to make peace with having twins to be fully and completely happy about expanding our family. Which, leads me to where I am going with this post!

With our family officially complete and no more babies in our future I have decided to start a new chapter in my personal life. Not only am I going to document my weight loss but also becoming a healthier and happier woman/mom. I hope to encourage other moms/women while on this journey. I plan to post pictures of my progress not only for others but for myself as well. I do ask for prayers and kind thoughts as I set out on this new path of being a "new me and new mom". I know God will continue to give me strength each day as long as I keep looking to him for guidance. 

"With the new day comes new strengths and new thoughts" -Eleanor Roosevelt-

"But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded." - 2 Chronicles 15:7-

In Him,

Angie K

Pink and Purple Princesses

Well, it has been almost two weeks since my last post and I finally have a little bit of time to update. Happy 4 weeks to our little angels. They will be one month old on the 19th!! I can't believe it!

Both the girls are home now and doing wonderful! They had their first doctor appointment and they are perfect. Their doctor did want to order ultrasounds on the girl's hips because of their positioning in the womb. She wants to make sure there isn't a problem.

I am so proud of how well they are eating! We are still pumping and bottle feeding for now. When they are "full term" we might work on breastfeeding but for now pumping is working just fine! They are eating every 3 1/2 to 4 hours! There was one night that they didn't wake up for their feeding and they went 5 hours between feedings! I have a good feeling they will sleep through the night without any problems!!

I have to be honest right now. These two girls are actually easier right now than Logan was when he was born. I will gladly admit that the NICU stay was a blessing in disguise. The girls were on a feeding/diaper schedule while there and we have been able to carry that home with us. 

The boys are so glad to have their sisters home! Jonah absolutely loves and adores them. He is always willing to help out any way he can. He loves to look at them and kiss their heads or toes. Logan is happy to have them home but is having a little more difficult time accepting his new role as "not a baby". He is having to transition from being held and cuddled with a lot to being told "no, not right now". Logan does love his sisters and likes to kiss their heads and touch their feet/hands when he is allowed. I am excited to see the girls grow and the bond between them and the boys bloom!

We won't be getting the girls out in public until after their two month appointment in September. Doctor says it is best to let their lungs develop more before going out. With RSV and Flu season approaching in the coming months we have to be careful with them. 

I will try to find some time once a week to post an update about the girls. I can't make any promises though!

In Him,
Angie K

The End Is Near

"For this reason I kneel before the father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name". Ephesians 3:14-15

Saturday August 1st:

"No news is good news" especially when it comes to the girls right now. They are continuing to grow and do well. We will need to bring in the car seat to do the car seat test before they get the approval to go home. Today, Amelia weighed in at 4 pounds 4 ounces and Kaylee weighed in at 4 pounds 9 ounces! Growing girls back up to birth weight!

Sunday August 2nd:

Baby girls are TWO weeks old today! They are growing so nicely. Amelia is starting to fill out and look more like Kaylee. They both are eating very well. Jessie and I enjoyed spending alone time with the girls today. Of course, both the girls ate better for Jessie than me. I'm assuming they think I'm a little more cuddly and decided to fall asleep with me!  The girls have gained more weight! Kaylee is weighing 4 pounds 14 ounces and Amelia is weighing 4 pounds 7.7 ounces! I'm hoping Kaylee is well over 5 pounds before she leaves the NICU. Got a call from the NICU this afternoon and the car seat we got failed the first test. Now to find another car seat by Tuesday!

Monday August 3rd:

First, a shout out to my big guy Jonah. Happy 4th birthday Jonah Bug!!

The girls ate a big breakfast this morning! When I got there to feed them they were still very sleepy from their feeding. They started their iron and vitamin supplements today. Amelia started off eating pretty well but at the end she had an "eating episode" (stopped breathing long enough for heart rate to drop). This will keep her from going home the same day as Kaylee. Kaylee is doing well eating and sleeping and is on track to come home soon! 

Here is how the rest of the week should go if there aren't any other hiccups:
Tuesday-official car seat test
Wednesday- sleep in room for parents at hospital
Thursday-Kaylee comes home
Friday-Amelia comes home

Doctor said normally they won't even consider sending preemies home until after 35 weeks but the girls are doing so well and will be "35 weeks" August 4th.

We are so close to the end of their NICU stay! I have to be honest. I am excited but very anxious about them coming home especially since Amelia had her episode today. Please continue to pray for all of us towards the end of the week. We will be getting the boys back Friday and my mother and mother-in-law will be here to help out as well. 

In Him,
Angie K

The Race is On!

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
-Psalm 62:8-

Thursday July 30th:

Both girls got their nose tubes out! Amelia pulled hers out so they left it out and soon after Kaylee got hers taken out too! 

I did some skin to skin time with Amelia while nursing. She gave us all a scare a few times when she had some breathing pauses during breastfeeding which set off the alarms. It happened three times and the nurse suggested we give breastfeeding a break until her brain is mature enough to have the breathe, suck, swallow rhythm down better. So for now we will continue to pump and bottle feed. 

They have opposite episode set backs. Amelia has periodic breathing while she sleeps but not (usually) while she eats. Kaylee has periodic breathing when she eats but not while she sleeps. They will need to be able to self correct quickly before being sent home.

Kaylee worked real hard trying to get fingers into her mouth. She worked pretty hard until she got frustrated and happily took her pacifier. She was a bit stubborn during her feed and wanted to sleep more than eat. 

Spoke with Jason, their nurse practitioner today too. They will be getting off their caffeine supplement. It takes about 5 days for it to leave their system completely. The nurses will be watching for "episodes" while they are getting off the caffeine. After they are completely off caffeine and it is out of their system, the girls will be given a sleep study and have a car seat test. If they pass everything the next step is home!

Friday July 31st:

The girls were moved to NICU 4 this morning. It is a much small area than where they were before. Our nurse, Kathy, said "it's one foot out the door". Both girls are are eating over 40mL of milk. I'm hoping to stay ahead of them while pumping! 

Jason came by again and checked on the girls. He reassured me they wouldn't be sending the girls home too soon. Here is the "schedule" he gave us:

5 days no caffeine
5 days no sleeping episodes
3 days no feeding episodes
10 hour sleep study
90 minute carseat test
Discharge if passed everything

By the looks of it the girls could be coming home next weekend!! I'm both nervous and excited to be seeing the end of their NICU stay. Please continue to pray for the doctors, nurses, the girls and us as we prepare to transition them home!

In Him,
Angie K